"I'm sorry, but I'm already dating somebody."

How many times have you had that line pulled on you? The line comes from the idea that relationships should be exclusive. The idea that I'm "with someone" which means I cannot share those feelings with anyone but one person is something that has perplexed me for a long time. I recently started digging into my own mind to find out why many people follow the idea of an exclusive relationship.

First thing I asked myself was; Is it possible to love more then one person equally? By love I mean romantically involved in the highest sense. And I came to the conclusion that yes it is possible. Believing otherwise would be nearly insane. Also realize that it is also possible to love someone exclusively, meaning that person is the most important person in the world for you. Relationships can go either way. This begs the question though; Why has there always been a sort of aura in the world that compels us to think that a loving relationship should be between two people and no more.

Imagine this situation. You find out that your significant other has had a relation with someone else behind your back. Upon finding out you would most likely wonder why someone would be with someone else when he or she has you. Are you missing something? Is your significant other looking for something that you can't provide? Does your significant other love you anymore?! These are all questions that would most likely race through your mind upon discovering that your significant other has cheated or is cheating on you. I think this can be especially hurtful to people who don't take lightly to not being "the one and only." But wait a moment here. Normally when someone comes to you with an attitude that they are "the one" and you are not, we dismiss them as self centered and egotistical. Now, don't jump all over me just yet. Hear me out some more.

I'm not saying everyone who thinks relationships should be exclusive is self centered. Let's face it when two people both think relationships should be exclusive and they are happily in an exclusive relationship there's nothing self centered about that at all. I do think, though that the origins of this general belief that a relationship should be exclusive comes from people who are incapable of accepting that they cannot offer everything to someone else. Almost everyone is influenced by this general idea in one way or another. A married man refrains from watching porn, or looking at other women on the beach he is doing so because of this belief.

We can look at open relationships and see that many of us out there are pretty comfortable with the idea of sharing a significant other with someone else. There are countless examples of healthy relationships that involve 3 people or more. I think these people are comfortable with the idea that maybe they can't offer everything someone else wants, so if that person goes elsewhere to get it then that's fine by me.

What it really comes down to is I just can't find any real good reason as to why it would be considered wrong to have an open relationship with 2 or more people. I bet if I asked people on the street "Why shouldn't you have an intimate relationship with more then one other person?" they wouldn't be able to give you a definitive answer beyond simply personal preference. We all know doing something behind someone's back is definitely wrong, but I really don't understand why people would refrain from having a relationship with several people just because it's generally considered wrong.

Next time someone tells you something you're doing is wrong and you're not quite sure why, then I think it's time to reflect on exactly why it could be considered wrong. Maybe other boundaries we live by aren't quite as well founded as you may think.